Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
