sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I am available for nakedness
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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