her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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