Hey man sorry I got all grabby
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
