ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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