Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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