So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
