that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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