you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
