this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
