I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
