my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
