No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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