Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
cat food counts as protein by the way
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
