Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
