Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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