1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
