woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
