You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
