i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
