you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
