Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
