have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
