im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
