T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
