We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
