That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
