You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
