just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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