Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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