we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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