I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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