pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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