mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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