I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
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