I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wish you could order shots online.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
