New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
