SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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