the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
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