Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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