Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
