please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
