Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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