just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
