Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
