i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Randomize
