The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
