I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
