At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
