apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
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