Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
