I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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