My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
