epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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