I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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