How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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