you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
