Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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