happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
