I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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