What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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