my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
