i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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