The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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