The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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