So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
