im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
This show inspires me to have sex in space
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize