So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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