I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
