thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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