I wanna passion pit in your ass
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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