You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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