I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
