I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
