I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize