I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
