I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
