therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
