Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
