I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Panties = found
Randomize
